Batman Rides a Tram

By Richard Davis

Batman Rides a Tram

No one on the tram paid much attention to the 63-year-old man wearing a Batman costume complete with cape, utility belt, and mask. The Caped Crusader spoke to a tourist who clearly did not understand a word he said, due to his slack local accent.

The tourist noticed Batman had a hand tattoo of a scorpion striking and for some reason it scared him so much that he alighted the tram at the very next stop, not his planned stop.

Batman shrugged and turned his crime fighting attention to a seated lad wearing a Stone Island jacket, City shirt, and Adidas trainers. Batman didn’t notice the lad had ears plugged with buds and was oblivious to his words.

- I used to live in Canada where they don’t give guns to crazy people. Beautiful looking country.

The lad sensed the approach and looked up at Batman’s masked face. He looked into the misty eyes, like those of a dead fish on a stainless-steel tray and felt sick. He jumped up and exited the tram three stops before his destination. He regarded himself as a tough nut who could look after himself, but Batman’s eyes had freaked the shit out of him.

Batman sat down in the recently vacated seat and stared out the window at the passing city. A short, stocky man in a dark suit who rarely used public transport sat next to him. Batman turned to his new neighbour and smiled,

- Hey! Bollocky Bill from Cheetham Hill! How you doing?

The man in the dark suit ignored him.

- Bill. It’s me, Batman.

The man in the dark suit took out his phone and pretended to check urgent work messages that didn’t exist. An hour ago, he was told he was not part of the company’s future and no longer had a job which is why he was riding a tram. The bastards had taken back his company car. He’d worked his guts out for them and all he had to show for it was he was fucked for money and the rent was due. Everything was shit and now Batman thought he was a bloke called Bollocky Bill. Not a good day.

When Batman realised he was mistaken about the identity of the man sitting next to him he apologized and sensed all was not well in his neighbour’s life. He reached into his Bat belt and removed a plain business card. He offered it to the man in the dark suit. The man looked at Batman who winked back. The man took the offered business card and read it.

DR CINICK – plastic surgery, dental upgrades, hair transplants & full makeovers.

There was a phone number in the bottom right corner.

- Cinick’s a genius. Worked wonders for me. Tell him Batman sent you and you’ll get a discount.

- Can I keep it?

- Sure thing. Listen. I’m going to share this with you because I like you. The jokers in Fuckingham Palace get a pay rise. Corruption, right? You cannot believe the scale of it.

- Okay. Why you telling me this?

- I’m recruiting a partner, and I want you on board. What’s your name, pal?

- Robin Smith.

- Holy shit! I knew it!

When Batman stood up to go, the man in the dark suit noticed he and Batman were the only passengers in the carriage. Everyone else had departed long ago.

- Meet me in Angel Square tomorrow night. You’ll see the sign in the sky.

In the middle of the carriage Batman swooshed his cape like a music hall magician and disappeared in a blue flash.

The man in the dark suit who had had a terrible day began to laugh and applauded loudly.

- I love you, Batman!

He couldn’t wait until tomorrow night.